He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I forget how to act sober
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
