Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
