i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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