I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
