i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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