you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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