we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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