You can't motorboat a personality
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
