First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
