god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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