remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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