Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
