were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
