My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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