in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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