My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
