My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
