I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
