so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
