My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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