I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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