And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
