and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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