A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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