There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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