oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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