she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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