normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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