I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
