Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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