I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
