Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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