is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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