I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
