Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
