Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to be your penis for a week.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
