as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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