I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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