I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
