Got a toothbrush?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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