I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
