The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
