Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this just has baby written all over it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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