Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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