let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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