She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
