4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
