Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
