If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
