ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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