Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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