I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
