I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My balls are so social today.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
