I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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