I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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