I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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