The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
