OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
