stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
