Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
