After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
