They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
