We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
