Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
