Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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