dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
