We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
