We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
