You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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