Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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