Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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