You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
