the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
