Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
