I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
