I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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