Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
