i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
