The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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