i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
