I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
only if we run a train.
done.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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